Which of these statements is more dangerous to a marriage? “I’m so mad at you I can hardly speak to you.” “Do whatever you like. I don’t care anymore.”

If you guessed the second answer, you’re right. Although open conflict may be more immediately painful and unpleasant, a state of apathy and withdrawal is even worse in the long run.

Gifted author Willard Harley believes that all marriages move between three states: intimacy, conflict, and withdrawal. Intimacy involves focusing on each other’s needs and avoiding behaviors that irritate, annoy, or wound the other person. Conflict happens when we fail to meet each other’s needs and engage in upsetting behavior or speech. Withdrawal occurs when one or both spouses emotionally disengage from the relationship. Given time, that withdrawal can lead to separation or even divorce.

We were never designed to live in a state of permanent conflict or withdrawal from our spouses. If that’s where your marriage is today, you need to do the hard work of facing your issues and resolving your conflicts. The reward will be an intimate marriage that honors God, gives your kids the best start in life, and makes life worthwhile.

About the Author:

Bob Moeller is a very happy CWAHD.  He has a national marriage ministry with MarriageVine.  Bob and Cheryl have been married for 28 years and have 6 children.  Bob has written seven books and together with Cheryl co-authored two books on marriage.  Bob is a weekly TV show host and speaks nationally with his marriage conference www.forkeepsconference.com.