There is not a human who has ever lived on this planet that has not encountered adversity in some form or fashion. Adversity is a given. Christ told us that we would suffer adversity. It is up to us as to how we react to what life throws at us. Solomon has some very specific advice for resolving adversity.

We each react differently when adversities confront us. Some run and hide, others hum and whistle and, trying to ignore the situation, others pretend that it’s not really there. The fact is that adversity is real and it can adversely affect our lives and the lives of others around us. Solomon tells us to stand up and face the problem head on.

Proverbs 28:1 (NKJV) “The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.” Solomon uses the term ‘wicked’ to describe anyone who does not prescribe to seeking wise counsel or the belief in and worship of Almighty God. He is telling us that the ‘wicked’ always attempt to run away from adversity. They run away even though no one is pursuing them. The ‘righteous’, those who are in ‘right’ standing with the Creator, fortified by their beliefs and worshipful practices, face their problems with the courage and determination of the king of the jungle, a lion.

In Proverbs 24:10 (NKJV) Solomon tells us “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” When adversity rears its head it is not the time to cower or flee. It is the time to be bold. To be bold and persevere is the key to lasting success in life. Read

Proverbs 24:16 (NKJV) “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.” We need not to concentrate on falling down but on getting up. To ‘rise again’ is an extremely important concept, especially for the successful Christian.

When we concentrate on the positive aspects of adversity, we see that there are two very important benefits that we gain through adversity. As a matter of fact, through the school of adversity, we learn these lessons well. The first benefit that we need to consider is that through adversity we learn patience, we develop our strength and our courage to face subsequent adversities, we develop our sense of compassion and kindness towards others, and our love, our humility and our faith grow by leaps and bounds.

The second important benefit of adversity is that it helps us to become much more valuable to others. Everyone is going to encounter adversity at some point and the first person that they seek is someone who has already experienced adversities and overcome them. You become the wise counsel that others seek.

This would be a good place to review several very important points in our study of the effective resolution of conflicts. I have broken these down into a quick list of do’s and don’ts.

First lets list the don’ts.

1.) Do not ignore or avoid facing a conflict. Denial is not the answer, although it is the most used temporary remedy. Conflicts or adversities and the hurt that they cause will grow inside of you. They will fester and canker and do more deadly harm to your spirit and body than you can ever imagine. You could say that conflicts that have been internalized and not face head on are the causes of the majority of ‘psychological’ problems among human beings. Look at the word ‘psychological’. It is the combination of two Greek root words - ‘psyche’ which is translated ’soul’ and ‘logia’ which means the ’study of.’ It is safe to say that psychological problems are ’soul’ problems. Don’t bury your problems or the pain that they cause.

2.) Don’t let a conflict turn into a personal attack. Focus on the problem causing the conflict instead of diverting the attention to the shortcoming or character weaknesses of the other party. If your intent is to solve the problem, you must concentrate on the causes of that problem.

3.) Keeping within the spirit of the previous statement, do not resort to calling each other names or making seriously inflammatory remarks simply to get a negative reaction. When these tactics are used in an argument, the root problem becomes obscured and the focus is place on defending ones honor.

4.) Nobody likes an arrogant know-it-all. When you enter a conflict with that attitude, a wall of resentment and negativity has been constructed and nothing good will happen. When engaged in a conflict, approach it as though there is a great lesson for you to learn. Approach the conflict with a humble spirit. For one thing, this will definitely confuse your opponent because he will not expect that at all. This is very difficult to do for a person of ‘position’, such as a boss or manager.

5.) In an argument you will be tempted to bring up other issues. Do not let this happen. Keep the focus on the problem at hand and the best way to resolve it.

6.) Never try to back you opponent into a corner. Remember this is not a ‘prize fight’ and the only good thing that can come out of this is the equitable resolution to the problem. Do not us threats and ultimatums.

7.) Try to refrain from demeaning gestures or body language. It is tempting to roll your eyes or use an exasperated sigh or slap you forehead with the palm of your hand. This will only add fuel to the fire.

8.) It is human nature to interrupt an opponent when he is saying something with which you disagree. Do not interrupt him. Let him have his say and then you can also demand to have your time to speak.

9.) No matter how tempting it is just to turn and walk away, do not. As Solomon tells us, face your adversity. This can also be the same as hanging up when you are called on the phone with an argument.

It is best to finish this study on a positive note. Let’s look at the list of positives that should be considered when you are faced with a conflict.

1.) Whenever you are faced with what you perceive to be a confrontation, take a few minutes to calm your emotional state. It is best to cool off before engaging in a conflict.

2.) When you know that you are headed for a confrontation, you need to decide what outcome you expect. If your motivation is to correct someone, plan for the best possible outcome. Consider the reactions of the other person and how you can best resolve the problem at hand. Go into the conflict armed with a good solid plan devoid of emotional stress.

3.) You goal should never be to tear down the character of another person. If that is your goal, you need to do some soul searching to discover why you think that would ever be an option. Use as many positive statements as possible; even praise the other person’s abilities. Fins positives to counteract the negatives.

4.) If you expect the problem to be resolved immediately and easily, that is great. However, that is not the usual case. Be willing to accept a progressive plan of resolution. Be willing to work with the problem for as long as it takes to find the most equitable solution.

5.) Seek wise counsel. When you know that there is a conflict ensuing, seek out the advice of others who have gone through similar situations and be willing to consider their advice.

6.) Often we are blindsided by an attack. If this is the case, listen to what your attacker is saying. Instead of retaliation, ask him if there is any other cause for his anger or concern. Let him tell you everything that is on his mind. No matter what is said, remain calm. You just may learn something.

7.) Whenever possible reassure the person that you are willing to discuss whatever is on his mind. Show that you are committed to the relationship and want to find a way to resolve whatever seems to be the problem in order to enhance the relationship.

8.) Forgive. No matter what the other person says, forgive him immediately. Christ was slandered, spat upon, hit, beaten, verbally abused whipped and hung on a cross. He immediately forgave those responsible.

If we consider that conflicts can be used as a tool to strengthen us, we will find it easier to look for an effective resolution. This takes a great deal of self-control (patience). Self-control or patience is not a natural state of being for humans. It is however one of the traits that is listed as the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22 (NASB)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”

Article by Robert Keating