by Ruth Willms

Your child is special. There is no one just like him or like her in the whole world. Did you know that?

I hear that everyone has a twin somewhere. There may be someone who looks a lot like us, but we each have our own DNA and personality. It’s just a little bit of difference that makes us unique. I’m still amazed that of all the people in the world that have come and gone that are and will come, no one is just like my daughter and no one matches my son completely. And it’s their uniqueness that makes them so special.

We all ooh and ah over our newborns and look upon them as pretty special. But it’s when they grow older, and caring for them has taken a toll on us that we are tempted to put them aside a little bit. On days when a strong willed three year old enforces his ‘no’ by throwing your vase at the wall, or a five year old begs you to read ‘The Cat in The Hat’ for the umpteenth time, you may begin to take their specialness for granted.

But this is exactly when they need your unwavering love and affirmation. Good thing God loves us in our trying moments. He lets us know He loves us and He builds us up with His Word: He affirms us.

By affirming our children, we are teaching them how God feels about them. We are making the Bible real to them because the Bible is all about God and His relationship with us and with them.

There are many ways we can affirm or build up our children. I like the five steps of blessing Gary Smalley and John Trent use in their book, The Blessing.

They start with ‘meaningful touch’. Children crave to be touched. Your children yearn to be close to you; to have intimacy with you. As that special adult in their lives you are all-important to them. Holding them and hugging them, conveys to them that you are there for them.

When I was visiting my three year old grandson, Sam, this week, a thunderstorm broke out in the afternoon. He came running to me crying, “Protect me, protect me!” All he wanted was for me to hold him and make him feel safe. I was there in person with him and I would not have let anything hurt him. He knew that. But he needed to feel it.

It’s not only preschoolers who are blessed by your touch. Your kids’ hearts, no matter what age, are warmed by your touch. Touch communicates warmth, personal acceptance, and affirmation. At times my husband just casually puts his hand on our fourteen year old, six foot plus, grandson’s shoulder. Darian never fails to smile and his eyes light up. I’m confident this loving gesture lets Darian know he is unconditionally accepted by his grandpa.

In the Bible we read how Jesus blessed the children. He touched them. He laid His hands on them and took them up in His arms. This gives us an incredible picture of God’s tender love for little ones. He made them. He understood their need to be held, to be hugged. As we show affection to our kids they come to believe that others can love them too; even others, like God.

The second way of affirming your child is by words. Like a self-fulfilling prophesy, your child often becomes what you say he will be. If you put him down and say he will never amount to anything, he will begin to believe it. On the other hand, if you build him up and say amazing things about him he will know he can conquer the world.

We can take an example from God, the Father. When Jesus came up out of the water, after His baptism, His Father’s voice surrounded Him saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” God communicated His blessing through His spoken words, even to His Son, Jesus.

The third way is to place high value on your child. Be truthful and realistic with them but be their greatest fans. You can plant seeds in their outlook for life that will help them accomplish the things they really want to. Help them become competent by teaching them life’s skills. The patriarchs in the Old Testament gave their children - especially their oldest sons - a special family blessing. It confirmed to their children that God had a special plan of blessing for their life too. In fact that’s what all their planning was based on.

Bless your children - literally - when you pray with them-at the end of the day or in the morning- say “the Lord bless you.” Your child hears that you are there for them but if you fail, God has them covered. Everything is possible with God; He never fails. He will see them through in the times when human dads and moms fails. They learn that God is concerned with their life and welfare.

Fourthly, picture meaningful goals for your children, giving them not only hope but direction. We can’t predict our children’s future but we can give them a picture of what is out there and how they might fit in.

I loved my grade three teacher, Miss Reidiger. She boarded at our neighbor’s house, so I got to spend time with my teacher. She especially encouraged me in my reading. I was a good reader but when it was my turn to read in class I read way too fast. With her trust and praise I began to want to be like her. My desire to be a teacher just like her was planted in my heart that year. Now I had a purpose in life and all of my courses were geared toward that goal.

Finally, the fifth step to affirm your children is to make an active commitment to them. Help them become the best they can be, starting with a deep relationship with God, the foundation of you children’s lives. Get to know your children personally: their desires, needs, goals, hopes and fears. Then meet them where they are. Build them up where they are weak, praise them in their strengths, and get involved in developing them. It will take sacrifice on your part - a sacrifice of time, of energy and even finances.

Your children need you to affirm them. Your affirmation of them, blessing them, will profoundly impact them forever. The interaction with you will influence not only their self-image, their current relationships, and future relationships, but that all important relationship with God.

About the Author:

Ruth Willms is a Christian author and educator who teaches parents how to make Jesus part of their kids’ lives, everyday. If you found this article helpful, you can subscribe to her monthly newsletter at http://www.RuthWillms.com and discover more ways to make God’s love real to your kids.