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By Rev. James L. Snyder

Normally, I am not one to complain about the weather. Okay. Maybe I complain a little about the weather. All right, have it your way, I complain a lot about the weather. Are you happy now?

Actually, it is important for me to complain about the weather. It is either that or politics, and you know what that does to my blood pressure. If I had my rathers, I would rather complain about politics. It is so much easier to do, and there is always something to complain about. After all, sometimes the weather is perfect.

I have always felt that complaining about politics is part of a very good health plan. First, it gets your blood boiling, which has the effect of cleansing your blood. You know what dirty blood can do for your health. Then, it clears your head of all the nonsense collecting up there for days or weeks on end. It is the only political health plan that actually works.

There should be some kind of a plan, maybe a lottery system, to select the politician of the day to complain about. With so many politicians, I am concerned I may forget to complain about some politician who actually needs to be complained about. Some congressional committee needs to be put together so that they can select the politician of the day to grumble. After all, I do not want to miss an opportunity to make a complaint about some politician. Read the rest of this entry »

by Rev. James L. Snyder

When it comes to gibberish, nobody appreciates it more than Yours Truly. If the truth were fully known, and let’s hope it isn’t, I have engaged in more than my share of gibberish.

Just last week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage accosted me on this very subject. I was trying to explain to her why I did not do something she asked me to do when in the middle of my explanation she stopped me and said, “I wish you would stop all of this gibberish and just tell me the truth.”

I did not point out to her at that time – there were other priorities – but later on I mused on what she said. In her statement she made an assumption that I’m not quite sure is absolutely the truth. Her assumption, plain and simple, is that gibberish and truth are not synonymous. According to her, it is either gibberish or it is the truth, and neither shall the twain meet.

I feel, however, that this is not fair.

Undoubtedly, everybody would agree that there are plenty of times when the truth is absolutely essential. The higher up the chain of authority the more essential that truth is.

For example, if I am driving down the road speeding and a police officer stops me and asks me if I was speeding, the truth will set me free. Especially, when the nice police officer has irrefutable evidence that I was in fact speeding. There is absolutely no good that can come from lying in a situation like this.

Then there is the other side. If your wife asks you if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat, believe me, the truth will not set you free. This is where gibberish comes in.

There is a place for everything in life, and I am happy to say that there is a place for gibberish.

Now the question bears asking, what is gibberish?

According to the dictionary, gibberish is “rapid and incoherent talk; unintelligible chatter; jargon.” That definition covers a vast territory of human experience.

Nowhere in that definition does it even suggest that gibberish is the opposite of truth. In fact, gibberish at its best is truth disguised in order not to hurt somebody. That somebody may be yourself or in my case, my wife. I employ the fine art of gibberish so as not to hurt the one I love. And I am sticking with that story.

First, gibberish is “rapid and incoherent talk.” Many a time this has been my salvation. When I am caught, for example, with my hands in the cookie jar and someone catches me and inquires, “What are you doing?” this level of gibberish is employed. And the faster the better. Of course, if your mouth is filled with cookies at the time, all the better.

Then there is the “unintelligible chatter.” This is harder to master. Not the “unintelligible” part. For many of us, especially husbands, this is almost a natural thing. Regardless, it becomes quite easy for us. The chatter part sometimes slows us down. After all, any man who has been married for any length of time rarely gets the opportunity to practice his chattering skills. This is why most husbands talk in their sleep.

Last, but not least is “jargon.” This calls for a specialized language requiring the employment of words that do not mean anything whatsoever. Words like, “thingamajig” and “whatchamacallit.” For those who are going to master the skills of gibberish these kinds of words are absolutely necessary.

When my father was working in the garage, he used to tell me, “Go get me that thingamajig next to the whatchamacallit.” I always brought him the hammer. He always invited me to go outside and play.

Gibberish is a present help in time of trouble.

Nobody has raised gibberish to the high art standard as the humble politician. (The word “humble,” is gibberish and I can’t tell you what it means.) The average politician can say more gibberish in five minutes than the average husband can in a lifetime. And I know they mean well, they do not want to hurt our feelings and so they employ the tactic of gibberish. (The gibberish union must have strong lobbyists in Washington DC to get all this employment).

Some of the gibberish used in the past has been, “I feel your pain.” Certainly you feel my pain. You caused it. And the famous one, “No new taxes.” Of course not, it will be the re-employment of the old taxes. (Again, here is a strong lobbyist representing old taxes union.)

However, in light of all this, there has been an old gibberish that I never quite understood what it meant until lately. I think it was Harry Truman who said, “The buck stops here.” I thought I knew what it meant until lately. Read the rest of this entry »

by Rev. James L. Snyder

Once again, we, the American consumer, have been treated to a celebrity apology. I am not sure what we have done to be treated to such highfalutin entertainment. If I could find out, I would immediately stop doing whatever it is I was doing.

I certainly do not downplay apologies. Heaven knows, I have done my share of apologizing throughout the years. And, reflecting on past activities, I am looking forward to many more apologies in the future. In fact, right now I just would like to apologize for anything I might do or say in the future that would in any way offend anybody. I feel better now that I have said that.

As a connoisseur of apologies, I would like to point out that there are three types of apologies common to mankind. I want to emphasize the word “man.” It seems to me, as someone of experience, that we, husbands in particular, are usually on the husband-side of making an apology. I do not know if it is supposed to be this way, but it usually ends up this way as a matter of course.

The first type of apology is when you have done something wrong and you know it. Believe me, nobody since Adam has ever done anything wrong and not known it. They may deny it, but behind every denial is a lie.

I think doing something wrong is universal among everybody born of a woman. Everybody makes a mistake at some point in his or her life. Those who have made no mistakes are living in a fairytale world of make believe. They make believe they are perfect and people not wanting to cross them go along with the ruse. But normally speaking, making a mistake is part of growing up.

Making a mistake is not the problem; it is what you do after you have made that mistake. That is where apology comes into play. Read the rest of this entry »

by Rev. James L. Snyder

This week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly had the privilege of attending our youngest granddaughter’s second birthday party. I wanted to go to her third birthday party but she was not old enough yet. So, I will have to wait another year.

On the way home we sat in silence thinking about the party we had just attended. It just does not seem possible that we have eight grandchildren. I broke the silence with a little comment along this line. “I’m just not old enough to be a grandfather of eight grandchildren. I don’t feel old enough to be a grandfather”

From the other passenger in the car came a rather sarcastic snicker, if I say so myself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I retorted.

“Well,” she said rather slowly as if she was trying to collect her thoughts and use the right words, “believe me, putting all feelings aside, you’re old enough.”

I did not quite know what she meant by that, and I was afraid if I ask she would tell me. I quickly changed the subject and said, “Didn’t Jordin look cute with birthday cake all over her face?”

She laughed.

Then, I thought I was talking to myself but apparently, I said it aloud, a least loud enough for my wife to hear. “I wonder what it’s like to be two years old?” Read the rest of this entry »

by Rev. James L. Snyder

As far as I can remember, I have never been out of sorts with good ole Mother Nature. I have had, however, some issues with Father Time. I wish, for example, he would take a vacation. Really, all that marching on must be quite tiresome.

I go my way and I allow Mother Nature to go her way. It has been a marvelous system dating back as far as I can remember. I respect her, and she ignores me. Nothing could be more harmonious.

Recently, there are those who seem determined to try to embarrass Mother Nature. I suppose they have nothing better to do with their time, after all, all the major problems in the world have been solved. The focus of their assault on Mother Nature is in the area they call Global Warming or as they have recently called it, Climate Change.

Those of us, who have not strained our brain with extracurricular thinking, know the climate changes all the time from one season to the next. Without fail, spring follows winter, winter follows fall, fall follows summer and summer follows spring. A monotonous cycle dating back to the very beginning of time, whenever that was.

The experts are predicting that the temperatures will rise significantly in the foreseeable future. (Which, of course nobody can see.) Read the rest of this entry »

by Rev. James L. Snyder

I was having a wonderful time and everything seemed to be going like clockwork. Then I got out of bed. I thought I was awake but I was only acting. I remember getting out of bed and shuffling off to the kitchen and pouring a cup of coffee in my favorite coffee mug. I have had this coffee mug as far back as I can remember. I never start a day out without a good old cup of Joe in my favorite coffee mug.

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain coming from my right foot and then it seemed like it was on fire.

I looked down only to see my favorite coffee mug smashed on my favorite right foot and my toes dancing some kind of exotic jig. My coffee mug was beyond repair, but my right foot was another story.

I am not sure how I am going to start my day anymore without my favorite mug. Sure, I could get another one, but it would not be the same. Some things cannot be replaced for any amount of money. Of course, offer me $1 million for that cup, and see how I forget that cup.

If you stop to think of it, and who has time to think about anything these days, some things are absolutely replaceable. I, for instance, shall always cherish fond memories of my favorite morning coffee cup. Read the rest of this entry »

A Christian Comedy Essay By Rev. James L. Snyder

Living in the Sunshine state of Florida and seeing snow accumulating on the ground is the closest thing to blasphemy I know. Everybody knows it does not snow in Florida.

The other night I was so cold I tried to pick a fight with my wife just to get into some hot water. Unfortunately, she was too cold to participate and so we sat together shivering and trying to keep warm.

Read the rest of this entry »

A Christian Comedy Essay By Rev. James L. Snyder

I am not quite sure what has happened but some place has frozen over. And, for that matter, somebody is ice-skating in you know where.

I know that I have been colder in the past but I am the kind of person that does not want to look to the past. I am as forward looking a person, as you will ever find. I have no desire to compete with something that happened in years gone by. With that being said let me just say that this past week has set a new low for my body temperature.

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A Christian Comedy Essay By Rev. James L. Snyder

New Year’s Day was filled with lots of excitement, plenty of grandchildren running around and enough food on the table to eliminate world hunger. Actually, it did eliminate my ravishing hunger, at least for the day.

Both the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly simultaneously signed a deep sigh. My wife sat in her chair thinking and I, reclining in my chair musing. Believe me, we both had a lot to think about and muse over.

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A Christian Comedy Essay By Rev. James L. Snyder

It is typical this time of year to prepare a list of resolutions for the coming year. I believe this goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam said to Eve, “I think I’ll turn over a new leaf this year.” And so the tradition has come down to us today.

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